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Answers to Newsletter GROANERS

October 2018
    Q. What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
    A. Wrap music!.



September 2018
    Q. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
    A. With a pumpkin patch.


August 2018
    Q. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?
    A. A Geometry.


June 2018
    Q. What did the Buffalo say to his son?
    A. "Bye-son."


May 2018
    Q. What did the digital clock say to its mother?
    A. "Look, Ma! No hands!"


April 2018
    Q. Why is everyone tired in April?
    A. They just finished a 31 day March!


March 2018
    Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
    A. Because real rocks are too heavy.


February 2018
    Q. How can you get a tissue to dance?
    A. Put a little boogie in it.


January 2018
    Q. What is a New Year's Resolution?
    A. Something that goes in one year and out the other.


December 2017
    Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
    A.Nothing, it was on the house!


November 2017
    Q. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? 
    A.The outside.


October 2017
    Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
    A. No body.


September 2017
    Q. What is a tree's least favorite month?
    A. Sep-timber! 


August 2017
    Q. What do you call James Bond in the bath?
    A. Bubble 07.


July 2017
    Q. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
    ABecause she can’t sit down.


June 2017
    Q. What do you call a baby bird when it is like its dad?
    AA chirp off the old block.


May 2017
    Q. Why is a computer so smart?
    AIt listens to its motherboard.

April 2017
    Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
    ADuring APE-ril showers!

March 2017
    Q. When do people start using their trampolines?
    A. SPRING time.

February 2017
    Q. What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp?
    A. "Stick with me and you'll go places."

January 2017
    Q. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
    A. Open toad sandles.

December 2016
    Q. What do you call an elf that sings?
    A. A wrapper!

November 2016
    Q. What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
    A. Your nose!

October 2016
    Q. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? 
    A. It raises their spirits.

September 2016
    Q. How do fall leaves get from place to place? 
    A.With autumn-mobiles 

August 2016
    Q. What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?
    A. Pop Quizzes!


July 2016
    Q. Why do bananas use sunscreen?
    ABecause they peel.


June 2016
    Q. Where did the sheep go on summer vacation?
    A. The Baa-hamas!


May 2016
    Q. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
    A. It gets toad.


April 2016
    Q. Why is the letter A like a flower? 
    A. A bee (B) comes after it! 


March 2016
    Q. Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers? 
    A. Because you don't want to press your luck. 


January/February 2016
    Q. Which of the states has the smallest soft drinks?
    A. Minisoda


December 2015
    Q. What do Santa's elves learn in school?
    A. The ELFabet.


November 2015
    Q. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
    A. They suspected it of fowl play!


OCTOBER 2015
    Q. What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
    A. Shamboo.


SEPTEMBER2015
    Q. Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
    A. Because he was playing dirty.

AUGUST 2015
    Q. Why was school easier for cave people?
    A. Because there was no history to study!

JUNE 2015
    Q. Which room has no door, no windows, no floor and no roof?
    A. A mush room!

MAY 2015
    Q. What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?
    A. Drop it a line!

APRIL 2015

    QWhat did the Easter Bunny order at the Chinese restaurant?
   
 A. Hop-suey!

MARCH 2015

    Q. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leafed clover? 
   
 A. A rash of good luck!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

FEBRUARY 2015
    Q.
Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?
    A
She stole his heart.

Happy Valentine's Day!



DECEMBER 2014

    Q. Who is Santa's favorite singer?
    A. Elf-is Presley!


NOVEMBER 2014

    QWhat is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
    AStraw-berries.


OCTOBER 2014
    QWhy did the mummy call the doctor?
    AHe was coffin.


SEPTEMBER 2014
    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A. No-eye-deer!


MAY 2014
    Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
    A. Very large hands!


APRIL 2014

    Q. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
    A. Come on man! BREATHE!


MARCH 2014
    Q. Why do crabs never give to charity?
    A. Because they're shellfish.


FEBRUARY 2014

    Q. What 8-letter word has one letter in it?
    A. "Envelope"


JANUARY 2014
    Q. What kind of dance do mothers like best?
    A. The Mom-ba!


DECEMBER 2013
    Q. What did Tennessee?
    A. The same thing Arkansas!


OCTOBER 2013
    Q. What is black and white and red all over?
    A. An embarrassed zebra!


SEPTEMBER 2013
    Q. What is the longest word in the English language?
    A. "SMILES"   There is a "mile" between the s's!


AUGUST 2013
    Q. The more you take away from it the larger it becomes.  The more you add to it the smaller it becomes. What is "it"?
    A.  A hole in the ground!


JULY 2013
    Q. What starts with "e" and ends with "e" and contains only one letter?
    A. An envelope!


JUNE 2013
    Q. What can you throw but not catch?
    A. A party!


MAY 2013
    Q. Why was the tomato blushing?
    A. He saw the salad dressing!


April 2013
    Q.  Why was the math book so sad?
    A.  Because it has a lot of problems!


March 2013
    QWhat part of a turkey has the most feathers?
    A.  The outside!


February 2013
    Q..What can you never eat for breakfast?
    A.  Lunch and dinner!


December 2012
    Q.  How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
    A.  No problem...He sleeps at night!


November 2012
    Q.  How do you top a car?
    A.  You tep on the brakes, tupid!


October 2012
    Q. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
    A. Because pepper water makes them sneeze!


September 2012
     Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
     A.No time at all...the wall is already built!


August 2012
     Q. I have a large money box, 10" square and 12" tall. Roughly how many pennies can I place in my empty money box?
    
A. Only one.  After that, I don't have an empty box!


July 2012
    Q.  How can you catch a unique mouse?
    A.  Unique up on it, of course!



June 2012
    Q.  How can you lift an elephant with only one hand?
    A.  You can't - You will never find an elephant that has only one hand!


May 2012
     Q.  How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
     A.  Any way you want...concrete floors are very hard to crack.


April 2012
    
Q.  If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
     A. 
Wet!


March 2012
    
Q. What do you get when you cross a duck with two elephants?
    A.  A pair of swimming trunks!



February 2012
    Q.  What did one light bulb say to the other?
    A
.  I love you a watt!  Valentines


January 2012
    Q. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?   
    A.  At the bottom of the page!








 

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Lighthouse Group Main Office in Grand Rapids, MI
Mailing Address | P.O. Box 530009, Livonia, MI 48153

Phone: 734.421.9900 | Toll Free: 800.220.5582 | Fax: 734.421.9911

Also serving these Detroit area communities in Michigan: Livonia, Farmington Hills, Ann Arbor, Southfield, Plymouth, Canton, Westland, Northville, Novi, Dearborn, South Lyon & Walled Lake