Answers to Newsletter GROANERS
Q. What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A. Wrap music!.
. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
. With a pumpkin patch.
. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?
. A Geometry.
. What did the Buffalo say to his son?
. What did the digital clock say to its mother?
. "Look, Ma! No hands!"
. Why is everyone tired in April?
. They just finished a 31 day March!
. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
. Because real rocks are too heavy.
. How can you get a tissue to dance?
. Put a little boogie in it.
. What is a New Year's Resolution?
. Something that goes in one year and out the other.
. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
.Nothing, it was on the house!
. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
. No body.
. What is a tree's least favorite month?
. What do you call James Bond in the bath?
. Bubble 07.
. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
. Because she can’t sit down.
. What do you call a baby bird when it is like its dad?
. A chirp off the old block.
. Why is a computer so smart?
. It listens to its motherboard.
. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
. During APE-ril showers!
. When do people start using their trampolines?
. SPRING time.
. What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp?
. "Stick with me and you'll go places."
. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
. Open toad sandles.
. What do you call an elf that sings?
. A wrapper!
. What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
. Your nose!
. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
. It raises their spirits.
. How do fall leaves get from place to place?
. What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?
. Pop Quizzes!
. Why do bananas use sunscreen?
. Because they peel.
. Where did the sheep go on summer vacation?
. The Baa-hamas!
. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
. It gets toad.
. Why is the letter A like a flower?
. A bee (B) comes after it!
. Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers?
. Because you don't want to press your luck.
. Which of the states has the smallest soft drinks?
. What do Santa's elves learn in school?
. The ELFabet.
. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
. They suspected it of fowl play!
. What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
. Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
. Because he was playing dirty.
. Why was school easier for cave people?
. Because there was no history to study!
. Which room has no door, no windows, no floor and no roof?
. A mush room!
. What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?
. Drop it a line!
What did the Easter Bunny order at the Chinese restaurant?
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leafed clover?
A. A rash of good luck!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?
A. She stole his heart.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
A. Elf-is Presley!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A. He was coffin.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands!
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A. Come on man! BREATHE!
Why do crabs never give to charity?
A. Because they're shellfish.
What 8-letter word has one letter in it?
Q. What kind of dance do mothers like best?
A. The Mom-ba!
Q. What did Tennessee?
A. The same thing Arkansas!
Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. An embarrassed zebra!
Q. What is the longest word in the English language?
A. "SMILES" There is a "mile" between the s's!
Q. The more you take away from it the larger it becomes. The more you add to it the smaller it becomes. What is "it"?
A. A hole in the ground!
Q. What starts with "e" and ends with "e" and contains only one letter?
A. An envelope!
Q. What can you throw but not catch?
A. A party!
Q. Why was the tomato blushing?
A. He saw the salad dressing!
Q. Why was the math book so sad?
A. Because it has a lot of problems!
Q. What part of a turkey has the most feathers?
A. The outside!
Q..What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Lunch and dinner!
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
A. No problem...He sleeps at night!
Q. How do you top a car?
A. You tep on the brakes, tupid!
Q. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A.No time at all...the wall is already built!
Q. I have a large money box, 10" square and 12" tall. Roughly how many pennies can I place in my empty money box?
A. Only one. After that, I don't have an empty box!
Q. How can you catch a unique mouse?
A. Unique up on it, of course!
Q. How can you lift an elephant with only one hand?
A. You can't - You will never find an elephant that has only one hand!
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Any way you want...concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
Q. What do you get when you cross a duck with two elephants?
A. A pair of swimming trunks!
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other?
A. I love you a watt!
Q. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A. At the bottom of the page!